Letter To Self, Day Four (07/21/2024)

i skipped day 2 and day 3... oops... dont tell my life coach

Dear Adult Me, 

I'm supposed to compliment you. or me. I'm supposed to tell you (or myself) all the things I'm proud of you over. I've never struggled with that. I've always been proud of you and me. The way you love yourself. The way you stick up for yourself. The way you go about life. The way you don't let negativity get to your head. How high do you think of yourself. How high do you aim. Sacrificing for your family. Everything. You are pretty. You are smart. You are amazing. But the adult me knows this. The adult me reminds me of this often. It's the child in me who needs and has always needed recognition. The child in me was seen and loved by my Gido. He loved, saw, and heard both my adult and child self. But with him gone, child me needs to remind child me. Child me, I'm proud of you. You are so strong. You've been through so much. a dad who walked out on you. a mom who got cancer and was there in person but not emotionally for you. Then, a distracted mom with some man. Eventually, she came back into your life, but after what? After you raised yourself? And a good job you did. Then, you dealt with the dark, gloomy thoughts that pushed you to cut.

The crying yourself to sleep. the heartache. The not knowing how to love yourself. The insecurities. But you handled it all. You fought to get in a good spot. You felt everything and fought through it. You stayed alive. You made things better. My childhood self, my emotional part, got me so far. And I am incredibly proud of her for feeling this way. For loving. for being afraid. For telling the adult to sit while the child felt and lived. Both my child and adult self-healed me. They were friends. Now, the child in me wants to cry, and the adult in me is telling me not to feel. To turn off the switch. Who should I pick? I don't know how to meet them both in the middle. I'm trying. "I am the one thing in life I can control." I'm getting there. 

I love you. I'm proud of you. 

Love, Your Child Self