Letter To God, Day Five (07/22/2024)

Dear God, 

I'm out of words today. I don't know what to say, and I have nothing to say. I'll take this as a sign to stop blaming you and start thanking you. Thank you for the air I breathe, even though each I breathe is harder than the one before it. Thank you for letting me wake up in the morning, even though when I wake up, I wish I never did. Thank you for the roof over my head, even though we are moving, and that breaks my heart. Thank you for my loving family, even though my mother doesn't know how to mother. Thank you for the food on the table, even though I don't have the appetite to eat it. Thank you for my health, even though there are 300 things wrong with me. Thank you for my friends even though I feel as if I don't fit in with them. Thank you for everything, good and bad, even though the bad seems more than the good. Lord, I don't want to feel this way toward you. I don't want to be mad at you, but you haven't given me a reason to stop being angry. I'm asking for a sign. I'm asking for some peace. I'm asking to feel your hug again. I'm asking you to hear the birds and think about your greatness. I'm asking to see the earth covered in the glory of God. My best days were with you. I want them back. Just promise me you'll leave room for Gido. I can't lose him completely. And God, grant me patience. I need a lot of it. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Phil 4:13. Walk with me. I know it's your set of footprints in the sand right now. I know you are carrying me. But just put me down, hold my hand, and walk with me. I need to walk, not be carried. 

Love, your lost daughter