Letter To God, Day Ten (07/27/2024)

Dear God, 

Mom asked me, "If you die today and you stand in front of god, what are you going to say? That ur mad at him?" and the answer is yes. Yes, I am mad at him. If he took me today and asked why I lead the life I lead, the answer is simple. I'm mad at him; he did this to me. This is his fault. God, I'm angry at you. You did this to me. This is your fault. Yes, you gave me a house in several states and counties. Yes, you put food on my table; I can buy and do what I want; yes, I am healthy. BUT I RATHER YOU TAKE ALL THAT AWAY AND LEAVE ME MY GIDO. I thought the anger was over. I guess not.

My mom helped me realize that there is residual anger towards you. It is what it is. It is on you. It's hard. It's not easy being angry. You know. I was at the beach today, and usually, I look out at the water and appreciate your creation. I see your work; I know the beauty that you provide us. I see the unity of it all working together. Today, I recognized the power of the ocean. I respected it. But I didn't see your reflection in it. It didn't give me the peace it usually does. I love the ocean. You robbed that feeling from me, too. 

Love, an angry daughter