if you don’t wanna read the whole thing just skip to where it says “MORAL”

I was walking around my school today, confused at the weird emotion I was feeling. It was a surge of energy that scared me at first. The last time I felt this way was right before my lowest point. Every time I feel insanely happy, I forget to care for my mental health, and I go back to step one: depressed and suicidal.

Most of you know my story; I've been open about my struggles with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and suicidal feelings. Now it's time to be open about my journey and my growth.

Growing up was hard. My home life, my mental health, school drama, the PTSD, anxiety, depression, and suicidal feelings all at once. But I don’t want to focus on my struggles; I want to focus on my growth.

For starters, I want to say thank you. Thank you to everyone who caused me to go through what I did, to everyone who watched me grow, to everyone who helped me. I am thankful for each and every one of you.

First, Britt. I walked into his room freshman year on the verge of giving up. I was planning on going home and ending it, but something told me to stop by his room. After a bunch of therapy sessions, I learned that IT'S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY!! and that I need to take my issues and talk about them, deal with them head-on instead of shoving them in the back corner and leaving them to build.

My second was the track team. The place where I ran all my emotional pain away. It was also the same place where I met CCDI (Clown City Daddy Issues GC) Jamiw, Victoria, Jasmin, and Elarya were not just teammates but my new drop family. They took me in at my lowest and helped me grow into who I am today.

My third is NSLC. Two weeks away from home at the University of Houston with a bunch of high schoolers from all over the world was life-changing. I tend to be myself the most when I'm around people who I won't see again. I can be myself because they won’t see me every day after this to judge me. I was so stuck on being judged by everyone that it ruined it. And so I peeled the barriers away and released my true self. I met Abby and Viv, two girls who liked me for me. The me that was 100% me. It taught me to love myself. I am amazing, I am the best version of me right now, I don’t need changing.

My fourth, Kenya, for teaching me how spoiled I am, for showing me how ungrateful I was when I had more than the average person in Kenya, for teaching me that all my past sufferings were necessary, and for letting me meet/reconnect with people who I now hold close to my heart.

And my last, who was actually my first all along, Akila Sunny, my non-biological sister. From the 6th grade to the 12th grade, you’ve been by my side. You’ve watched me fall and get back up. You laughed, but you were also always there, and your support and friendship mean the world to me.

MORAL:

My struggles taught me a lot. They also showed me my family, the people who have been there for me, the people who helped me be who I am today. It’s 100% okay to not be okay. It’s 100% okay to go to therapy. It’s 100% okay to reach out for help. It’s 100% okay to be you, no matter what others think. It’s 100% okay to leave people and move on and grow. Whatever makes you happy, whatever makes you grow, whatever makes you, you is what you have to do.

I am here for you, there are so many people here for you. My struggles were mine to live through, but it’s ours to share. Let’s grow together :))