i lost the biggest part of myself

Yesterday, my mom told me that because I lack emotional connections, I will be alone in life.

She’s not wrong. I don’t get attached, and I don’t let people get attached. I back away just when bonds start to form, and I’m aware that I do it.

But how do I explain to my mom that it all started when I was suicidal? I thought that if I backed away from the friendships I formed, then they wouldn’t get hurt when I took my life. And then when I realized that “life is worth living,” I was too used to being emotionally unattached and liked it.

How do I tell my mom that part of the reason I am the way I am is because of her and the trauma I faced as a child?

My mom broke me but yells at me for being broken.